It's not important that you fall down...

...as long as you get back up.

That's what a motivational speaker, or life coach, would say. Here's the moment when that bit of advice becomes relevant to me and this project I've set out on.

You see, I got a letter from the CSUN MFT program the other day, telling me I am an "Alternate" for the MFT program this fall.

I was NOT accepted.

That really wasn't part of the plan.

The plan was to fill do the application, get the transcripts, ask for the recommendations, complete the prerequisites, sit for the interview... and then get a letter that says "Congratulations."

And that's how everything went, up until the letter.

So now I have to re-think the rest of the plan.

According to the letter, as an alternate, I could still be invited to join the program. That could happen as late as August (for a program that begins in September). So I have four months before I have to finally conclude that I'm not attending CSUN in the Fall.

In the meantime, I have to create a contingency plan (something I probably should have done many months ago).

I see several options:

1. I sit back and hope my status changes from Alternate to Accepted.

2. I plan to re-apply for next Fall

3. I apply at a different school -- probably Pepperdine, for this Fall (yes, it's possible) or the following Spring.

Note that one option is missing: "Forget the whole thing."

That's what my life coach (if I had one) would call "not getting back up."

Returning to school

Next  I had to apply to the university, something I haven't done since I was 16, so this was effectively new to me. It's a highly bureaucratic process -- I spent a lot of time in the line at the post office and in front of a copy machine. When you're young, this is all great training for a lifetime of battling bureaucracy. When you've already well into that lifetime, it's just... another battle.

The time gap since my undergraduate work creates special challenges for me. For instance, I had to be creative when looking for letters of recommendation. I don't have any teachers to write glowing letters about my superior academic skills. So instead of professors, I got three people to write letters for me: my boss, my guitar coach (who, in fact, has a degree in education from Harvard), and my therapist. All were more than happy to help me out, and I'm banking on their glowing reviews.

Another challenge: I don't have ANY of the pre-requisite classes required for admission. Even those that I have actually taken don't count, because I took them more than seven years ago. So I've been scrambling to complete four classes before September; this at a time when a budget crisis means the local schools are raising fees and, more importantly, cutting classes. If anything keeps me from starting in September, it will be those pre-requisites.

Choosing a future alma mater

After asking around, I narrowed my choice to three local schools: Pepperdine University, Cal State University Northridge, and Antioch University. The schools broke down like this:

Pepperdine pluses:

• Considered the premier program in the area
• Has a program designed specifically for working adults
• Campus is close to home
• "High touch" student services

Pepperdine minuses:

• Expensive
• Pricey
• Did I mention it costs a lot of money?

CSUN pluses:

• Nearly as well regarded a program as Pepperdine's
• Enthusiastic, committed, respected faculty
• Strong ties to local therapist community
• Affordable

Minuses:

• Uncertainty faced by public school in California's current budget crisis
• Campus is a bit far from home
• "Self help" administrative ethos -- as in, "help yourself, 'cause you're mostly on your own." 

Antioch pluses:

• Small school, small classes
• A strong personal recommendation

Minuses:

• Expensive
• A long drive away
• Not a "real" university

I quickly dismissed Antioch as a viable alternative. The cost, the distance... it just didn't make sense. My heart (and inner  snob) wanted Pepperdine, but then my son decided to transfer from a reasonably-priced state university to an expensive private art academy, and the decision was made: it would be CSUN. I would become a Matador.

The story so far

So where do I begin? I don't want to spend too much time discussing my current career. Suffice it to say that I've been drifting for years, and rarely has my work meant anything more to me than a paycheck. I've stayed with it out of inertia, fear, and a lack of positive direction: I never really could articulate what I really wanted to do, so I never was able to make a positive move.

About a year ago, however, I had a revelation. I was on my way home from a therapy session -- I've been in therapy off and on for years, but that's a story for a different time -- and I suddenly realized that "therapist" was a job description that sounded right to me. I could do it, I'd be good at it, and (most of all) it sounded right: challenging, fulfilling, and useful.

Over the next few days, I discussed it with family and friends, trying to tease out whether this was just another in a long line of (semi-desperate) lunges at anything that sounded compelling. But as I examined the idea, inspecting it from every angle, I became convinced it was a good fit for me. 

And so the work began. I had to identify the path from here (Marketing Manager for an insurance company) to there, mainly determining the education I would need, and where to get it. Fortunately, I live in what may be the therapy capital of the Universe: Los Angeles, so there are many options to get started. Several major universities, both public and private, plus a selection of "boutique" colleges, offer programs that lead to a Master of Family Therapy, which (along with a license) would allow me to practice.


My criteria:

• A good program, that would give me the training I need to be successful.
• A local program, since I intend to stay in the LA area.
• A program that is tied to the community, for when the time comes to find a place to practice.
• A program that would be flexible enough that I could continue to work as long as possible. I can't afford to go to school full time.
• A program I can afford.

With these criteria in mind, I began the search.

Welcome to Middle Age.

No, not the Middle Ages. (There will be no treatise on the Battle of Hastings.) Middle age: I turn 50 this year. And while I hate to be reduced to a cliche, I'm finishing up my mid-life crises. I've already dealt with a lot it: I had the sports car (which I traded in on a station wagon). I got divorced, dated again for the first time in 25 years, and met a wonderful woman. I've sent one child off to college, and I'm preparing for the empty nest when the second leaves in a few years. I've gone through a period of emotional turmoil, only to find myself on the other side, feeling healthy and happy for the first time in many, many years.

So what's left? My crappy career. It's long past time that I get out of my soul-sapping job (the latest in a series) and start something that will actually be soul-filling: Within a few years I plan to begin a new career as a therapist.

I've taken the first step by applying to a local graduate program. I hope to begin studies towards a Masters in Family Therapy in September, and in a couple of years, begin working as a therapist.

And that's what this blog is really about: what's it like for a middle-aged man, with a family to support, to start a new career? I intend to share everything from the simple logistical challenges, beginning with "how do I pay for this?," to the emotions and stresses the process evokes.

Oh, and the name of this blog? It's the name of a favorite song from my favorite musician, Bob Dylan. The chorus:

Only one thing

I did wrong
Stayed in Mississippi
A day too long

For me, Mississippi is all the things I should have done long ago. This blog is about me getting out, and starting over.

Better late than never.